i just woke up dead
a memoir
by Justin Donner
mental illness
sex drugs alcohol
watch the trailer with scenes
only available in the book!
do not blame yourself
depression is not about poor moral behavior or
character defects
it is an illness
involving an imbalance of brain chemicals
suicide is forever
click "suicide" to read an excerpt from "ijwd"
click above to read
the police report from a throat-slashing resulting in 18 stitches and a trip to detox
according to research in the
american journal of psychiatry
neuroimaging studies of bipolar disorder
demonstrate abnormalities in
neural circuitries supporting
emotional and reward
procesing and regulation
bipolar disorder
time to discuss what nobody wants to talk about
bipolar and major depression are not trending topics restricted to celebrities and star athletes
en route to medical school
suicide was first attempted at age 20
the highs of
mania
led to behaviors so troubling the subsequent depression could only be silenced through
suicidal ideation
the mayo clinic defines bipolar I
as having at least one manic episode
which may be preceded or followed by
hypomanic or major depressive episodes
a distinct period of abnormally and persistently
elevated - expansive - irritable mood
that lasts at least one week
the episode includes
persistently
increased goal-directed activity or energy
a hypomanic episodelasts at least four consecutive days
DSM V criteria for a manic episode
(via the mayo clinic)
further research in the AJP reports
educational attainment was
not significantly
related to presence - frequency - severity
of past suicidal behavior
i just woke up dead
illustrates why
stigma must be destroyed
research verifies nobody is immune
you cannot outsmart illness
stop blaming
start caring
read - learn - understand
studies show that in bipolar disorder patients neurological reward systems attend to lower-order goals overvaluing outcomes that are strongly desired but
damaging in the long run - specific frontal regions in manic patients point to
abnormal task-related responses and difficulty with decision making
continue reading for possible explanations from some of the most prominent scholarly research sources in the world
this is not an issue of character or intelligence...
to the familes and loved ones:
learn why values are destoryed
see how a promising future falls apart
witness madness in motion
identify behaviors as they escalate
it is
NOT YOUR FAULT
summary: as is exhibited throughout ijwd (supported by research)
manic episodes increasing goal-directed activity (e.g. sex)
resulted in reward systems (instant gratification)
overriding long-term goals (medical school)
such impulsivity may have influenced suicidal behavior
i just woke up dead is a case study rarely available to professionals
suicide is a popular topic when celebrities end their lives
but how often do we cry when
a son or daughter
​a sister or brother
or father or mother
decide the pain can go no further?
neurotransmitters and neuropeptides
this is not an opinion - this is science
research published in brain: a journal of neurology
hindsight is 20/20
would the science of today
prevented the tragedy of yesterday?
ijwd is meant to bridge that gap and be those mistakes
read - learn - survive
having been diagnosed with bipolar
yet unaware of the science
led to major depression
and suicide attempts
to stop the pain